Blessings All Mine

It's slightly insane for me to be composing this blog post right now, as I have my first nursing school test tomorrow, but I have had these thoughts running through my mind for the past week, and it's high time I share them.

I am someone who likes to be in control. For this reason, our decision to move to Athens was extremely harrowing for me, as it meant leaving behind my entire "known" and moving on to something so incredibly unpredictable. I had no idea if I'd make friends. I didn't know what our school schedules would mean for our relationship and if we'd have any time to spend together. I didn't know if I'd like living in Athens. There were so many factors I had no sway over. Couple that anxiety with the immensely supportive fellowship we experienced at CCC, and I was sure I'd never be as happy and loved as I was in Covington.

Enter God.

Our experience thus far in Athens has been eye-opening, shining a light on my deepest insecurities and what they mean. I don't trust God on a daily basis (or even a broader one) to really supply my needs. My feelings of anxiety and despair upon leaving our wonderful CCC community, while based on the very real and good love I have for all of those people, pointed to my reluctance to believe that, just maybe, something better was planned for us.

We are both really enjoying living in Athens. Our school schedules mesh well enough that we have regular mid-week date nights and at least one day a weekend with no school interrupting our time together (which as many of you know is likely more together time than we had when we were both working full time and commuting to Atlanta). We have each made friends that are peers and friends that are spiritual advisors. I have actually never felt this kind of easy, immediate connection with anyone before, and after a month of school, I already feel so supported by a handful of my classmates that I cannot imagine how I ever lived without them. The bible study with which we are involved has been deep and insightful, leading me to be introspective about my faith, and the women with whom I'm surrounded at school are equally encouraging in this aspect.

While I could never replace the people we loved so dearly and ferociously at CCC, I am hopeful that our time in Athens will be equally as growth-oriented and supported.

Basically, I feel like I've been hit with an oncoming blessings train. And this, my friends, is proof that God has plans for us that we cannot even begin to fathom. Great is His faithfulness.

"Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow -- blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside."

I felt like I'd finally come home...

My original plans for this blog included waiting to begin actually posting until I was pregnant, so that family and friends could keep up with our life. Then Brandon and I made the bold (and somewhat rushed) decision to move to Athens instead of remaining in Covington. Now, it seems, keeping up with family and friends who have become like family will not be as easy as I'd expected throughout this time in our lives where we will both need such intense support and encouragement.

I've been wrestling with the feeling that Athens is not our home. Granted, it's only been a few (three) weeks, but I'd hoped that I would adjust more readily. I think I underestimated how deeply connected I was emotionally to our friends in Covington, our traditions and our routines. I am a person who is very mistrusting of change, and this move has been very stress inducing for a variety of reasons related to this fact.

Last night was especially hard for me because we celebrated the wedding of two dear friends. This entailed a brief visit back into our old lives. Surrounded by all of these people I have come to love so dearly over the past two years, I was struck by the realization that I already felt different from them. All of these beautiful people had seen each other multiple times over the past week and were making plans for Sunday, and I just ached for the way things used to be, even though I was overwhelmed with happiness at seeing my best friends.

Brandon and I visited a church this morning. We didn't love it, but the message was something I desperately needed to hear in light of my intensely selfish and egocentric feelings. This Earth is not our home. No matter how comfortable we may be somewhere, how many friends we have or how alone we feel, how successful we are or how little we have, we are destined for greater things. To get my identity from my home or my friends (no matter how beautiful and wonderful they may be) leads me further away from my real purpose, which is to serve and love and yearn for a God who is so much better and more beautiful and greater than any place or person I have ever loved.

I am sure that in time, Athens will come to be a really wonderful place for me and for us. We have already found places to belong, people to care for us, and ways in which we can give back to our new-found community. When I become overly comfortable in my new life, please reach out and remind me that it doesn't matter, not one whit, unless my identity is in the One who has claimed me.